‘Furious 7’: Review

In 1991, when I was 12 (freaking hell, 12! I didn’t even know what a lady was. Still don’t, in fact), my Uncle Chris, who I idolised, took me to see a film about an FBI Agent who goes undercover in a sub-culture, populated with adrenalin-junkies, to catch a notorious group of bank robbers. He then befriends the head of the group and has to choose between the job and his friendship. That film was called ‘Point Break’ and it went on to be my favourite film of all time; a confession met with blank stares from many family, friends, and, obviously, unsuccessful dates.

Then, exactly 10 years later (when I was at a more reasonable, yet much more confusing age of 22), along came “Point Break with cars”, aka; “The Fast and The Furious”, which carried an almost identical premise, with that one key difference; street racing instead of surfing.

Now, it must be pointed out, that I know nothing about surfing (I can barely stand on solid ground), or cars (I can’t drive. Hello, ladies…) but these films absolutely enthralled me – that idea of being caught up in a testosterone fuelled world and forced to choose between that new world and your old world.

‘The Fast and The Furious’ was an action thriller starring new lunkhead on the block, Vin Diesel, and ‘Keanu Reeves Mark II’; Paul Walker, that became a bit of a surprise hit, and spawned 6 (SIX!) sequels, which has now culminated in ‘Furious 7’. The films are now a fairly different beast – a suped up muscle car, if you will (remember, I know nothing about cars). They went from being a fairly modest action thriller/drama to being a completely over-the-top adventure now starring some of the biggest names in action cinema.

‘Furious 7’, or ‘Fast and Furious 7’, or ‘Fast 7’, or whatever the hell it is called, is, expectedly, an action-packed thrill ride filled with fast cars, beautiful people, slick editing, over-the-top stunts, multiple times multiple explosions and bullets, and rapid fire jokey banter, as the franchise has become known for, from episodes 5 and 6, particularly.

EXCEPT, with one notable difference; star Paul Walker (playing former FBI Agent, Brian O’Conner), who was there from the very beginning, and only absent in the third film (‘Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift’, which although a little off brand, bizarrely links directly to this 7th film), died, ironically, in a car crash in 2013, about 3 quarters of the way through production.

This caused major problems for the studio: the impact of the tragic loss of a star and how to continue the franchise without him. The franchise would always continue; there’s no question there, but do they complete this 7th film with Walker and the footage already shot, or do they abandon and start again?

They made, I think, quite the right decision and finished the film with Walker, with the aid of his brothers and digital effects.

Although obviously a tragedy that needed to be treated with the respect it deserves, the impact of the death on the final product is the film’s major failing. It’s no “spoiler alert” (as this was well publicised during production) to say that they don’t kill Brian off, but send him off gracefully and respectfully.

I, unlike the friends I saw this session with, agree with this decision, BUT I do not think it was necessary to overload the film with so much clunky sentimentality about ‘brotherhood’ and ‘family’. A decent chunk of the very, very cheesy dialogue included sentiments that would have made any Hallmark writer say; “whoa, that’s too much.” The underlying point that this was Brian’s final adventure was pushed so hard that it continually reminded us of the real-life tragedy, and took some of the fun away from the film. In fact, a lot of this mushy, forced dialogue took up the place of the jokey back and forth banter between the cast. The jokes were still there, but I can’t help but think a lot of them were cut when the script was “tweaked” after Walker’s death.

Notice how it’s almost the end of the review and I haven’t even mentioned the plot yet? That’s no accident. The plot is rather incidental. It involves the brother (Jason Statham) of the bad guy from the last film, seeking revenge (‘Die Hard: With A Vengeance’ style) and some guff about a prized surveillance invention, called ‘God’s Eye’ and it’s creator, called (unofficially); ‘hot girl in bikini’.

The REAL star of this film is the insane action: Statham Vs The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), cars falling out of a plane, a truck hijacking, Walker Vs Tony Jaa, a ridiculous plummet off a cliff-face, a bunny-hop between massive skyscrapers, an across-city rampage, Diesel Vs Statham, pretty much everyone Vs killer drone, the destruction of a military-grade helicopter and, mostly importantly, The Rock “going to work” with a Gatling gun. It was an action fan’s wet dream and did not disappoint.

Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson provided a bulk of the comic relief, as did the cartoonish tough guy bravado of Diesel, Statham and The Rock (who happens to be my favourite everything).

All in all, a rip-roaring final ride for Walker, if sentimentally over-done.

Oh and Diesel probably gave a more convincing performance as a CGI tree with one line in last year’s Marvel hit, than he did in this film….although a well placed “I am Groot” wouldn’t have gone astray.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

By Dane Hiser; Comedian, writer, actor, promoter, idiot. @danehiser

Cynicism – Up in Smoke!!

I live in Penrith in Western Sydney, and I give the area a hard time, often claiming in my act that it’s “where hell is,” and over the last week the ‘fires of hell’ took a very literal form and lashed all around the Blue Mountains, the west and regions far and wide.

It made me think about all the needless bitching I do about my home town and the things I ridicule and take for granted. It makes me think how pointlessly cynical I am.

Over the last week, people have lost lives, homes, family, pets, treasured possessions and tangible memories.  I have friends and family up the mountains and I can’t even imagine the threat and insecurity they feel.

Human endurance and the Australian spirit is put to the test.

Over the last year in particular, we’ve seen the worst in Australians with political skirmish, violence, Internet trolling, boat people debates, climate change denial, and fundamental refusal of basic social rights, like marriage. But this week, we were reminded that there is solidarity among Australians and a genuine compassion for one another. We’ve had firefighters and emergency service personnel working tirelessly with police, volunteers, schools, businesses, donors and supporters to manage and stop these devastating fires.

Even Tony Abbott was out in the firefighting gear, if only to prove that he hates anything flaming, while his Nation’s Capital legalised gay marriage when he was distracted by hoses, fire engines and helmets.  Did I mention I’m relentlessly cynical?

The public response to the fires dominated social media, and at the start I was one of the cynics against the tokenism of people posting photos of the sky, sentiments, well wishes, and sending emails etc.

You know what though, us grumpy grinches who have to be skeptical and cynical about everything, need to have a happy pill and take it easy.

It may be tokenism, but like it or not, social media is the dominant medium for society to express our care and concern to others, particularly those with whom we are not in regular contact.

As I said, it makes a welcome change from a dominance of racist, sexist, homophobic or ignorant comments and trolling. It shows that love and compassion does indeed exist in a majority of Australians.

Besides, what do you think, the now mostly outdated medium of greeting cards are? What do you think a $5 donation to charity is?

It’s no less tokenistic than the cynics themselves sharing political views, or social sentiments, or moral standpoints in the media and in social media (and yes, I include this very blog in that).  Bite sized sentiment and expressions of thought in a media dominated world where communication is given the ‘fast food’ treatment, is actually, for better or worse (probably worse), the norm.

I don’t see us cynics bitching when we get tons of well wishes on our Facebook walls on our birthday from people we haven’t seen in years who only know of our birthday thanks to a Facebook reminder.

Sentiments, no matter how tokenistic, make people feel good. That’s a not a bad thing, particularly in a world of rampant negativity and hate.  See, that very sentence is a cynical generalisation! Case in point!

Besides, let’s be honest, who would really “drive up the mountains with a bucket of water”. Firemen have hoses, expertise and training.

Follow @DaneHiser on Twitter or Like ‘Dane Hiser Comedy’ on Facebook for more ‘fast food cynicism’. 

Is it a bird? Is it a Dane?

That’s right, novelty t-shirts just got sexy…ladies. Form an orderly queue.

The Laugh Stand: FBi Turns 10 Edition

So, I run this thing. It’s called ‘The Laugh Stand’. And I babble on A LOT about it – to the point were I’m sure Facebook ‘Friends’ are hovering over the delete, hide or unfriend buttons, just waiting to press that key of doom, sever their electronic connection and get back to bitching about Tony Abbott or Ben Affleck to their remaining Facebook Friends. 

And rightly so. I am furious that Tony Abbott is going to be the next Batman! What’s that? He’s only the Australian Prime Minister? Oh, that’s okay then. I thought it was serious.

Anyway, normally I’m more than happy for you to join the hoards of ‘deleters’, BUT tomorrow’s event (or today, if you have a life, and weren’t on the computer alone till midnight), Wednesday 18 September, will SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVE THE ARTS INDUSTRY. So if you ignore it or don’t come, then you are basically as bad as Tony Abbott. There, I said it.

You see, it’s a fundraiser for FBi Radio, to celebrate it’s incredible 10th Birthday, so yeah….I’m basically a samaritan for doing this. No big deal. If FBi decide to build a statue of me, I will humbly accept.

So we’ve got heaps of radio, TV and stand up stars sharing the one stage, for a one-off event. They include: Peter Berner, Dan Ilic, Zoe Coombs Marr, Gen Fricker, Cam James, Tom Walker, Matty B, Alice Fraser, Nina Oyama, and me (you’re very welcome).

All at the Kings Cross Hotel, in the FBi Social on Level 2, at 8pm.

Click the poster to grab your ticket and drink for only $15, or less, if you are a FBi Supporter, student or Backpacker, or me…because I get in for free, being the organiser – one of the perks, no big deal. 

 

A proper review for an actual proper review site…

Hey kids,

The new Harrison Ford & Gary Oldman film opens in Australia tomorrow, September 5. ‘Air Force Two’?!?! I hear you exclaim?

Sadly not. More like ’21 Two’.

Here’s my review for What’s On Sydney of ‘Paranoia’ starring Liam Hemsworth (so dreamy), Gary Oldman (so mean) and Harrison Ford (so bald).

You have been warned. 

Click here as I take the director to ‘Film School’.

Coming up next: “Between The Rock and a Hard Case” – A Review of ‘Pain & Gain’.

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A Fitting End to a Golden Mile – Review of ‘The World’s End’

I was flipping through TV channels the other night and I came across an old episode of a personal favourite, ‘Black Books’.  It was the one where bookshop assistant Manny (Bill Bailey) leaves his small independent bookstore to work at a mega-store, fittingly named ‘Goliath Books’. I had forgotten that the tyrannical manager of that store was played by none other than Simon Pegg. And as soon as his character appeared, an even bigger smile came across my face.

This reminded me of a simple fact: even when Simon Pegg plays utter an douchebag, you can’t help but like him.

In ‘The World’s End’, Pegg plays a rather more likeable douche – Gary King – a selfish alcoholic man-child who refuses to accept the bitter reality that history does not repeat, and that the young grow old.  He has sparkling and, as is often pointed out, selective, recollections of the carefree fun he had with his rag-tag group of mates, including his former best buddy Andy Knightley (real life best friend and collaborator Nick Frost).  A particularly dominant memory is that of a failed attempt at The Golden Mile – a 12 pub crawl through their hometown.  It’s 20 years on, and Gary, hopelessly snoozing through AA meetings, decides to trick his childhood mates, who are now in very different places, with very different priorities, into returning home to have another go at completing The Golden Mile.

BUT, ‘The World’s End’ is a Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright (Director, Co-Writer and also long term friend) collaboration, so when the boys head home they discover things are eerily the same, but unsettlingly different…and then all hell breaks loose….and Gary’s quest to complete The Golden Mile, becomes a desperate race of life or death

‘The World’s End’ has been mooted as the conclusion to the ‘Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy’, that the team of Pegg, Frost and Wright started with ‘romantic comedy with zombies’; ‘Shaun Of The Dead‘ and continued with my personal favourite; action spoof, ‘Hot Fuzz’.

Right, that’s the typical ‘film review admin‘ out of the way. Let’s get down to the chocolate in the cone.

I loved it! I have been a huge fan of the Pegg/Frost/Wright team since TV series ‘Spaced’ and I immensely enjoy what they create; comically, conceptually, visually and thematically.  Two themes have run distinctly through the three films: friendship and nostalgia, set in a small English town, and always involving bars, beers, blood and ice-cream. Their films have so much heart and emotion to them and this is what makes the stories and the characters so engaging and also exactly what allows the action to get as crazy as it does without ever becoming just a series of effects and style over substance. In fact, in these films, style and substance work together, and compliment each other.

Wright is a genius, simple as that.  He has a really distinct visual flair and has basically turned simple, and usually quite mundane shots, like the pouring of a drink or the opening/closing of a door, into visually exciting trademarks.  Between ‘Hot Fuzz’ and ‘The World’s End’, Wright made the amazing ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs The World’ and proved that his ability to mix heart, humour and spectacle isn’t just limited to the Pegg/Frost collaborations. In a world of comic book adaptations and special-effect-driven projects, Wright’s distinctive approach to character, action, comedy and fantasy is much needed to keep exciting originality in film, while satisfying the hunger for spectacle and the requirement for commercial success. I really look forward to his next project.

I wouldn’t say that ‘The World’s End’ was the most satisfying of the trilogy and it had less ‘laugh-out loud’ parts for me, but I think that is primarily because; ‘Shaun Of The Dead’ was the first big screen collaboration of the three of them so it had more ‘wow’ impact, the themes were fresher at the start, and an alternate take on a zombie movie was a novel concept then. Plus, ‘Hot Fuzz’ appealed to me the most, due to an intense love of action films, and when Nick Frost fired his gun in the air in desperate frustration, ‘Johnny Utah-style’, towards the end of the film, it confirmed what I was thinking all the way through – “this is the best movie ever”.

However, the on and off screen chemistry of heterosexual life partners Pegg and Frost, the pure visual excitement of Wright and the creative energy and humour of the three of them, makes ‘The World’s End’ a fitting conclusion to their own Golden Mile.

My rating: 8/10.

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Shameless plug: Get on down to The Laugh Stand tomorrow night (Wed 21 Aug) at FBi Social, Kings Cross Hotel, for the best in rising comedy talent, led by radio and TV legend Mikey Robins (Good News Week). Click here to book.

City 2 Smurf? Oh I get it….

A review of The Sydney City 2 Surf, Sunday 11 August 2013.

Family guilt is a powerful thing.  It can drive you to do things you wouldn’t normally do without a push.  And as much as I hate to admit it (and I do hate to admit it), that can often be a good thing.

Today it drove me to complete The City 2 Surf as a walker, with my brother, Trent, and my Dad, with a guest appearance by my Aunty.

Trent is disabled, and afflicted with a condition that leads him to put on weight much faster than anyone else. So to combat this, we have, for years and years arranged for Trent to walk 6km a day on a treadmill. Now correct me if I’m wrong (actually don’t correct me), but that is more than a fair majority of people.  This strategy has worked and kept the weight relatively at bay, and has really increased his fitness and walking speed.  As my mum, rather bluntly, pointed out: he’s fitter than I am, which I don’t think is true, but I’ll stew on it while I eat this cheeseburger.

This year, Trent decided he wanted to walk The City to Surf, so my Dad agreed to take him, and I rather foolishly felt like I should join them to help Dad out and spend time with Trent, even if it did mean a day of his endless questions and repeated catchphrases – enough to make a devout and disciplined monk break his vow of silence.

Now, I’m currently unemployed, which means that I don’t have (m)any early starts. In fact, 11am at best, is not an unusual wakeup time, and on Sundays, sleep-ins should be enforced by law (preferably by a hard-assed, no-nonsense Captain Snooze).

So we woke at 6am to make the trip from Penrith into the city. Trent was up first and already in the shower…and he was pumped! I have to say, he had WAAAAAAYYYY too much enthusiasm for 6am in the morning.

We caught the train into the city, and I admit, my enthusiasm wasn’t exactly at peak at the starting line. In fact, it was so far away from peak, that I didn’t even know this so called “peak” existed.  It’s safe to say, I wasn’t pumped….but Trent was and so were the 85, 000 participants, particularly our fellow walkers…and to be honest, that energy became incredibly infectious as the 14 kilometre walk went on.

There were onesie wearers, astronauts, gorillas, superheroes, cheerleaders, young people, old people, dancers, musicians, idiots, painted idiots, fitness instructors, charity walkers and promo people, as well as very enthusiastic supporters and staff pumping us up.  Along the way there was music, dancing and onlookers waving signs and cheering encouragement….from the sidelines, while drinking lattes and beers and mainly cheering because they weren’t doing the race.  To me, nothing says fitness, like drinking beers in the street while people run/walk by, and occasionally pop into a pub for a quiet one themselves.

There was everything from ABBA to Pink, to Robin Thicke and The Village People pumping through the loudspeakers.  The latter of which provoked a spontaneous flash-mob style performance of ‘YMCA’ by most walkers around us.  There was live entertainment, including dancers and live music, such as a KISS cover-band on the roof of a pub (probably actually KISS, looking for work).  There were even drunk idiots painted as Smurfs and revealing far too much (primarily, I assume, so they could overuse the “City 2 Smurf” pun).

To top it all off, it was an absolutely beautiful day – the sun was shining and showing off the city in all it’s glory, making it warm but not too warm, so we weren’t sweltering.  The walk took us through the often pleasant and beautiful Eastern Suburbs and past some truly stunning harbour, bay and city vistas.

So against all odds, I really enjoyed the day and was inspired by the creative and enthusiastic energy of walkers, runners, onlookers and staff.  So much so, that I almost forgot about the pain in my foot caused by a gigantic hole in the sole of my shoe. I tell you, the feeling of Gatorade, squashed cups and gravel against your bare foot peaking though sole and sock, isn’t the best sensation.

But the best thing about the day, was how much my brother enjoyed it.  He was high on energy and enthusiasm all day…and he kept pace and completed the whole thing without fuss.  Yes, it wasn’t the fastest walk, but he was happy and proud that he finished it successfully, and that was great to see.  My only criticism would be that if he conserved the energy and breath it took to continuously talk and ask questions, it would have been a much quicker walk.

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Crushing Hard In The School Of Love

Crushing Hard In The School Of Love

Here’s a review of a romantically disillusioned kid (ahem…me) with a rather unconventional, but practical, strategy for wooing a school crush.  As heard on ‘Girls Gone Mild’ on FBi Radio, 31 July 2013.  Click the above link and enjoy!

Big monsters, fast cars, a hairy mutant and a man in tights – Inspiration found!

Alright kids, it’s been far too long between drinks. What I mean is, I’m a reformed alcoholic. No, what I actually mean is; I haven’t written in this blog for a while. It’s because I’ve struggled for inspiration, in the same tortured genius kind of way as Michelangelo, Van Gough, Mozart, and Kanye…sorry, I got that wrong….Yeezus.

I’ve felt like the online equivalent of that awkward guy at a party, who tries desperately to find something funny to say in a hopeless struggle for love and attention, but all that comes out is the occasional dick joke or lame pun.

I found it hard to find something to write about on a recurring basis.  Then it hit me: write my blog like I live my life: randomly and chaotically give my opinion on things and pretend to know what I’m talking about.

It doesn’t sound like much of a theme, and THAT is why it is perfect!

So I’m going to kick off these regular “reviews” (for lack of a better word), in trademark random fashion.

Time for me to get all Margaret and David (or Judith and the other guy) up in your grill, and review the cinematic offerings of the last few months, in no particular order. 

I have a short attention span and I’ve already talked long enough as it is, so they’re going to be quick bites: 

• Pacific Rim: Big, loud, stupid, and makes no sense but then again it is a film about giant robots fighting giant aliens from the sea. Plus it features Australian accents that would make Tarantino proud. Very enjoyable. 7.5/10

• This Is The End: Brilliant! Very funny, well written, well paced, good looking film with great cameos, lines and action set pieces.  It has a couple of flat spots, but I mean, come on, any film that features Paul Rudd accidentally crushing a person’s skull by stepping on it (which isn’t possible, FYI), has to have a lot of merit. Fun film. 9/10.

• The Wolverine: It was pretty good and surprisingly unspoiled by the ridiculously detailed and long trailers promoting the film but the biggest surprise was my realisation that I know and care a lot less about the X Men universe than I thought I did.  Hugh Jackman was great and clearly loves playing the character (who wouldn’t) and the action was good, with the Japan setting making it fresh and interesting (with extra enthusiastic ninjas), but it was overly long and convoluted. For a comic book action film it laboured too much on a melodramatic plot, and kind of felt like a Shakespearean soap opera with the occasional action scene. 7.5/10.

• Man Of Steel: I may receive death threats from some cynical audience members for this, but I loved it! It was the first film in a long time, where I found myself smiling through most of it. As an overly devoted Batman fan/stalker, I haven’t really got into Superman as much, but this film really invigorated my love for the character.  It pretty much wasn’t humorous at all, but I think I was smiling so much because the film, like the character, had a really infectious and uplifting sense of hope about it. I know it has divided audiences and critics, with those that love it and those who don’t, but I thought it was visually spectacular, carefully detailed, well paced, expertly directed, well acted and had really exciting, jaw-dropping action set-pieces. 9.5/10.

• Fast and Furious 6: These films don’t muck about – they know exactly what they are and they will flaunt it as far as a ridiculously long runway will take them. Big, loud, stupid, funny and a lot of fun. I never thought I would say this about ANY other film franchise, but bring on number 7! 9/10.         

• The Great Gatsby: What would happen if Baz Luhrmann and Leonardo DiCaprio had a three-way with a glitter cannon to the soundtrack of Jay Z’s latest album? This film reveals all. 6/10.

• The Hangover Part 3: Much better than the second one (because it actually had a new premise) and looks great, but it’s less of a comedy film and more of an ‘action romp’.  Hopefully it really is the end of a franchise that is much like having an actual hangover – what tasted great when you first had it, just keeps repeating on you and makes you feel sick.  6/10. 

Good review – Boom! Video – Boom! Tonight – Boom!

TONIGHT is the night! 2nd and last showing of ‘Settle Down’ at Sydney Comedy Festival, 9.30pm, Factory Theatre. Video is a sample of newer gear worked into this comedy extravaganza!

Here’s a great review from Wednesday night’s show! http://whatsoncomedy.com/review-dane-hiser-in-settle-down/

Tickets here or at venue!
http://premier.ticketek.com.au/shows/show.aspx?sh=DANEHISE13&v=TFX#.UVtbCjfgxTI